The Wobble

I have to admit, when it comes to being proactive and remembering important things to do, I'm pretty rubbish at it. And therefore, when "stuff" (more on that later) my blog got shifted to the side, and I had writers block and basically there was no way in hell I was writing out a good entry. That, it seems, has cleared...or at least, it has for now.

I'll start now by reminding you of the date, August 1st. That means, for those in the A-Level know how, we have less than 15 days until we get our results, determining the routes that we well may take. Thus brings me to the point of this blog entry, which because I'm not particularly eloquent, or well versed in medical terminology, I'm going to call "The Wobble". "The Wobble", is the byproduct that comes from moving from the intense, high powered exam season, to the nothingness of the months of holiday/waiting period. It's basically the equivalent of running a marathon and then suddenly dropping off the edge of a cliff, ie very nasty, and also, surprising.

I'm now reminded of a comment my law teacher said, about the holiday break. His words were something along the line of "you'll be so bored you'll want to come back from school". I at the time, laughed at that, assuming that the holidays would be jam packed and I'd never have a moments rest...I was wrong. To start with, in the first week, I did nothing - by nothing I mean, sat in bed and watched telly, slept and did no socialization. This week however, carried over into a month of nothingness, where I slowly became more and more drawn into myself, and began to become a recluse. In other words, nothing good. This was broken by the odd family trip, and a disastrous holiday which ended in me being forced to come how and promptly be diagnosed with moderate to chronic anxiety, and boom I was on a waiting list.

In a month, my life had lost it's structure, and I'd lost my way. With this, I lost ambition and sight, and fell into a hole of pity. I fluctuated between days of "university is the one for me" and "I haven't got a hope in hell". I slipped out of patterns and into nothingness. I lost sight of myself. And, more to the point, I had no idea how to come back to myself.

This, is the wobble. It's a moment of complete terror, where you lose everything, where you curl up into yourself, where you're stranded and alone. Isolated. It can be as short as a day, it can be as long as months, but the chances are we've all had it. And, we've all survived it. In our own ways. And so, with the days running up to the exams, I'm feeling pretty confident and saying we're all going to have wobbles. I'm also pretty confident in saying, that we're all stronger than we think. We may not know this, not consciously, but we are strong. We're strong because instead of allowing every bit of bad news to take over, we've found a way to carry on. And we will again.

And, as an extra note to all those not sure if they'll get their grades: it's okay. It's okay to fail, to not do as well. It's okay to change plans, to try again. It's okay not to be amazing, because you will survive this. You will get through, and you will become something. You may not become the person you planned to be, but you will grow. Results don't grow on trees, but neither does your future. It's up to you. And only you.

With that, I wish everyone getting their results good luck.
Fingers crossed!